The Jim Florentine Roast to benefit Greg Giraldo's family!

What a strange day? Longtime friend and co-promoter "Big Jay," of Big Jay & TR Productions rolled up in his kick ass SUV around 4pm.

We get to Rev Bob Levy's and there is some dude there with him??? He turned out to be pretty cool, but the story was that the guy won a contest on Levy's podcast that very day and the prize was to go with us to the roast! I kinda thought that was a little odd for Bob to give a total stranger his home adress, but that's just the way he is. He's very fan friendly.

I had a net worth of a whopping 50 bucks (worst financial era in my life), and knew alcohol would enhance my evening, so I asked Bob where a beer joint was for a white trash six pack for the ride move. It never happenned as we were running too late, but created a lot of fun shit talking on the way. In the most fucked up part, Bob has not drank in quite a while and is on kolonopin (I am too, but still drink when I want a personality) and trying to improve his life.

We get to New York, and I told Jay to put Comix in his GPS, and I assumed a veteran of the NY scene would know the club is spelled with an X at the end, as opposed to Comics. Well, we end up on 23rd street, in a parking garage where nobody spoke english! We go upstairs and find comics, a fucking comic book store and it's near showtime!

Jay, after Levy & I break balls a bit storms to the lot looking pretty angry, and the dude is still 6'5" and 300 something pounds to "get his fucking car." He was in full Kraiza mode as these three hispanic dudes would not give up the car without 30 bucks, when we were only there for 5 minutes! He was about to punch through the glass at the guy, and Levy says, "whenever you are in a hurry, you can never find a good spic around?" It was really starting to get ugly, and Rev threw 30 bucks at another dude and screams get the fucking car now asshole.

We head toward the destination of 14th & 9th, and got there like 8:00 pm. Missed the drink specials, so my white trash six pack that I never got came back to haunt me. The cheapest beer in NYC is seven bucks! It takes me at least ten to feel a buzz (pathetic I know, but just being honest), so Jay says it's on him. Never say that to me when I make up my mind to drink.

Levy hops right into a chair with who I believe were The Cringe Humor Guys, after VH-!'s Eddie Trunk got done is segment.

I see budy Geno Bisconte, and He, Jay, and I rap about pro football for a bit. The other dude Bob (the fan guy was there too, but didn't know Geno) was silent. Levy & Geno go to smoke and I briefly saw a facebook friend that I've heard is a great comic & has a wrestling backround Ryan Maher. We shook hands, and I had in my mind to bullshit with him later, but as the night unfolded it never transpired.

It was a 38 dollar donation, but Giraldo gave me more than 38 dollars worth of laughs over the years, so it is what it is. I would think his family got a nice chunk, as it was almost capacity.

We crammed our asses in a table as Jay & I looked like bald sardines. Waitress was avoiding us like the plague, as I guess we looked like two fat fucks who also drink a lot.

Show started late, but The Dais was announced. There were no black comics, as Sherrod Small, Keith Robinson, and the rumored Patrice O'Neal did not come? This opened up tons of black jokes (I know my non comic friends are sensitive to slurs, but in comedy it's common), but the crew up there would have done them anyway as they've all been friends for years.

I was wondering if two things would get touched? One was Artie Lange, and the other was Greg Giraldo. Answer was many comics " went there " and even did a Bob Schimmel joke! In the real world it's callous, low class, and shunned, but if there is an afterlife (or in Lange's case, if he were there) they would laugh as they know it's a goof. It's hard to explain, but damn near anything, if anything at all is off limits.

I actually can't rank or critique guys that are all better and more succesful than I, as I only had two joke go over well when I roasted Ed Mcgonigal & John Kensil a few months back, but there were certainly some better than others on this night.

Rich Voss was Roastmaster and busted the balls of nearly everyone. He said, " Geno Bisconte's calender has more holes in it, than Artie Lange's Torso! " Great set.

Then they focused on an empty chair on the dais which was designed to imply that Giraldo was there in spirit. Nice touch, followed by a video of Greg at Comix doing a set, and some of his best Roast lines from Comedy Central. Voss said it was incredible and it got the biggest ovation of the night. It really sucks that he's dead if you think about it, and only 44!

His roast writing partner Jesse Joyce (who I had never heard of at that point) opened and said something to the effect of, when he heard he was gonna share the dais with that crew he felt like taking as many pills as possible and killing himself. He was alluding to Giraldo's allegged suicide. So, if his writing partner went there, I guess he knew Greg would appreciate it. His set seemed to suprise people, as he killed, and it appeared not many of the guys had previously worked with him.

Don Jameson (rocking some odd sideburns) was next. As I said, I have no room to critique, but his first few jokes were pretty weak from a guy of his talent. I took a piss at this point, but the audio played throughout Comix. He did finish stronger than he strarted. My guess is, he's a fixture on VH-1 and his true passion is Heavy Metal so he didn't prepare as much as back when he would roast people on Howard Stern.

Eddie Trunk followed, and is not a comic, but is probably in the highest tax bracket there? He was not real funny, but again he's not a comic

Then came Jim Norton. This fucking guy killed with his twisted humor. He even got a dated Terry Schiavo joke to work which is impossible for most in 2010. He got the biggest applause of anyone, and was very, very good. The only thing negative, was he started a theme of making it a Levy roast, and Levy had confided some personal shit to he and Colin Quinn the night before, and I (for once in the know) wouldn't have went there, but Norton is a genius, and is on Leno so who am I to say. He destroyed.

Bonnie (I married Rich Voss) McFarlane followed and did some great busts on her husband, but defended it by telling the crowd to look what she had to pick from. She called Norton so ugly that she's gonna sew her vagina shut. Funny chick.

Florentine's Fat Entertainment Lawyer Tom Catoral (I think?) was next. Again, not a comic so he was not very funny. He basically told old Florentine stories which were funny to those two, but a bore to the crowd.

Reverend Bob Levy was next. He did not show it, but his anger was in full swing by this point. Whoever set the lineup told him he was on second, and he had to nix jokes that were already used, plus he's going thru some serious shit in his life, but being the true pro, he did what you'd expect from Bob and had a great set. He was unhappy with it, but realistically, Norton was the only comic that got a bigger ovation when announced...I wish I was at liberty to tell specifics as to what is eating at Bob, but it's not my place. He has a legit reason to be angry, but that's all I can say.

Otto & George (ventriloquist act) were next. All night, it seemed they were either late or disappearing, as the dais would make jokes, but they weren't around? I pissed again, but I don't think they (calling a wooden dummy they?) had a great set.

Dino, who is the owner of The Uncle Vinny's comedy franchise was next. I can kryptically say he was no Jim Norton, but an Italian Club Owner, who had enough pull to get stage time among those heavy hitter's is probably powerful enough to have me in a carpet in Hoboken, so I'll just say. "well done."

Next was Eric Mcmahon, who I'd never seen. He was funny, but time constraints were now eveident. He again nailed Levy, and as I said nothing is off limits at a roast, but it made my table uncomfortable. Good set though.

My buddy Geno Bisconte who also went from 7th to 14th in the original order in this trainwreck that was only saved by the massive amount of talent involved, did a great set considering his positioning. Levy and I joked on the way up, that he'll get an Anne Frank mention in, and damn if he didn't!!! Sorry Geno, but that one referrence is predictable. Don't verbally kill me now, cause I know you can.

Then Joe Matarese had the last spot before Florentine. Considering his positioning, and the fact that I'm not that familiar with his work, I thought he hit a Grand Slam! Very Funny set going 15th, when crowd should have been burnt out. I'd like to book this guy someday.

Jim Florentine closed, and was tremendous busting on everybody. I used Jim as a headliner in Delco, and he brought a kid named Chuck Mig and I thought Chuck was actually stronger than Jim on that night, but Florentine was clearly prepared, and had an awesome set to close. He's definitely earned all his success.

Recurring themes of the night, were Levy's sobriety, Trunk being fat, Jameson riding Jim's coat tails, Voss' teeth ( even though they've been fixed to normal size ),  Florentine's big balls, and Norton's being creepy and ugly.

As "homer-ish" as this may sound, and as great as it was, my Philly buddy Mike Rainey had a way better set at The Mcgonigal/Kensil roast than anyone at Comix!!! He should be considered for these events in the future. in this forum he's as creative & vicious as anyone who's ever did it. That includes Giraldo, Jeff Ross, Lampanelli and the crew from this occasion.

I had a good buzz, via Big Jay's mac card, but I was rolling with The Good Reverend who was in the first bad mood, I'd ever seen, so no shot at an after party and networking or shooting the shit with some of my comic heroes. I give credit to Rich Voss for calling Bob as we were on the way home, as word got back that Bob wasn't real happy. And not for nothing, Rev has helped most of those guys when they first started, and now while he's a bit blackballed, he should be supported. i hope I don't get heat for saying too much.

Overall, it was not the event that would shape my future in comedy promoting or performing as I'd hoped, but was for a great cause, and I wouldn't change a thing.

TR

November 1st RAW stuff!

Before I get into that, I saw the edition of Howard TV with DDP & Chuck Zito. I dig that Page is all positive and what not, but don't go on a national show and talk carny you fucking mark. You aren't at the Power Plant...Also, What a BADDDDD Idea,to have The Machete dude, Tank Abbott, Page, Zito, and ??? get a show similar to Bully Beatdown but as a five man Motorcycle Club? In my very small area in a philly burbs, there's two clubs that would KILL those five and everybody involved with the show. They are about 1,500 deep between them, and it aint Sons Of Anarchy, so stick with the Yoga cuz. You had a hot wife though, and a cool finish that you stole from Johnny Ace.

Now onto RAW. Stone Cold Steve Orton opens the show. I wonder if he's still the most popular human among gay guys, now that he's sleeved? When he's coming off injuries (and off HGH) he's skinny as shit, but always has huge quads? Anyway, he calls out Cena (what's this the Davis Arena in Louisville on a Wednesday Night?) who comes out and decides that he'll get fired, and come back under a hood as UVALDE SLIM! Nah, I'm so 30 years ago. They had a fun little deal with Orton, Cena & Barrett (who IS running with the ball he's been handed) who was backed by his crew. Rotundo & Windham's sister's son Husky Harris looks like he'd be fun to hang out with? I see whiskey, titty bars, and brawls with that kid. Not X-Box like the rest of the new bores.

Harts lose to Justin GAYbriel & Heath (I'm a disgrace to the wrestling name) Slater. I think I'd be a jackoff and sucker him if I saw him? I just hate to see a guy like that making money and getting a push. T.J. Wilson looks jacked up, and is a hell of a worker. Harry Smith (remember when he was gonna date Brooke on Hogan Knows Best?) is a monster without chemicals. It reminded me of Dynamite's book, when he said he ribbed a steroid curious Davey Boy, and injected his ass with milk, and Davey told him after how much the shit worked! Anyway, I don't know what they have planned, but I hope both Hart kids get a shot. I actually hope Teddy gets his head straight, as that kid is incredible to watch, but hear he's a dickhead? The only bad thing was a total indy spot where Harry got in position for Tyson Kidd to accidentally dive on him.
I like the way Gabriel sells the ribs after he does the John Kronus finish.

R-Truth had a skit with Cena, that was odd but revealed later.

Commercial pushed Cover Band Looking Singer Edge vs The Mexican JBL for Smackdown. That beaner would kill me, as he's a shooter, but damn he sucks.

Captain Lou Albino (who supposedly trained a bit at Monster factory in 2002, and I hear is strong as fuck in the gym) challenges Santino (lost his title as funniest wrestler to Eric Young) Marella. Santino sends Kozlov down to work Sheamus and it blew, but I strangely like that locked arm-headbutt move by Kozlov. I wanna do it to somebody's nose in real life. Anyway, Sheamus goes over, Santino shits, and Morrison makes the save.

R-Truth & Orton have a skit (Wow this is historical, an NWA/TNA champ is teaming with a WWE champ! Not quite as cool as if Billy Graham did it with Harley Race when I was a kid) and form a team to face Wade & I Love New York.

Pee Wee Herman, Mark Henry, and some divas played twister in the moment where I almost overdosed realizing I'm gonna be 41 and still watch this. It set up a Lita cameo. I guess she felt like fucking Edge and was in town?

Zach Ryder got squashed by Ahmed Johnson clone Ezekiel Jackson. That's one Big Mother Fucker I'd hate to be my "celly."

Pee Wee comes down (aka Paul Reubens who got caught in a jackoff theatre back in the day) and shakes all fans hands. Guarantee the perv had some DNA on those hands from a glory hole on Long Island pre show. As usual, Miz interrupts the celebrity (along with future star Alex Riley) and even though with Jericho gone, Miz is the best heel, I'm a little tired of people overusing the word "REALLY." Anyhow, Big Show is Pee Wee's cousin. ( Isn't he Smackdown, and also I can't recall a clean job he's done in ages) and wrestles Miz. Only logical finish was the DQ. I guess they are trying to push Show's movie Knucklehead on The A show?

Old celebrity hosts put over the company, as a subconscious push for Linda votes in Connecticut.

Otunga does a damn skit too! He's married to Jennifer Hudson, has a kid and all that, but if that aint a down-low brother that will be on Oprah in a few years, I don't know who is. He's effeminate as hell, and a TERRIBLE worker.

Dead Dibiase (a notch below David Flair in not filling dad's shoes) with Maryse (I'd really bang that Pat Patterson talking diva) take on Daniel Bryan Benoit. When they let Danielson go vs guys like Ziggler, Miz, and Ted you can see why he got the rep. He's good, just no charisma yet. Anyway, Dibiase has been reduced to breaking up Goldust's wedding on the internet show with Ox Baker, or whatever her name is? He and Cody beat HHH & HBK and he STILL can't get over???

Undertaker's old lady and Layla bash Neidharts daughter and they worked a pretty damn good match! Mccool is perfect, except she needs the fake cans to be top ten. Just my opinion, but Layla kinda sucks.

They show who I think was Freddy Prinze Jr.as a doctor and Vince in a coma. He puts over Linda's campaign in a comedy skit, with Blumenthal stuck to his ass. Some funny comments, then show Steph talking to the unseen HHH who said it was all a dream as dad is brain dead.

Then they had the tag match with Cena as ref. I never watch the finish, as my dvr goes out, and I'm either watching Monday Night Football or World Series. I already busted on the five people involved, so who cares. That's a rap, rasslin fans.

TR