Really wanted to do a Night Of Champions deal as my old buddy Tammy ( aka original diva " Sunny " ) was hosting at Fox and Hound Bar/Restaurant sorta near my house, but I was so hung over from The Roast the night before and the after goings on that I stayed in bed! FYI, Sunny looked Fucking Amazing in the pics she's been tagged in. I met her when she was 17 and I was 20. I LOVED her boyfriend Chris Candido who passed away at age 33, and met her current man who seemed like an awesome dude, so I would never disrespect, but if you google, " How should a woman look at age 37? " Tammy's picture will come up. I wish I had a Tammy.
Back to business. Show starts with Stone Cold Steve Orton fresh off his title win. There's hope for me still, as he's successful and his entrance music stresses that he hears voices in his head too! HHH's "spotter" ( Oh, that poor Chyna is still broken hearted. She took a billion benadryl last night, and had to go to the ER ) Captain Lou Albino/Sheamus and does a faceoff where ( sorry Henny Youngman for stealing the joke ) but Ray Charles coulda saw the RKO coming! Sheamus looks even whiter, when the hair and makeup team dye his head and facial hair red. His spooge is probably tan? Anyway, I RESPECT every wrestler, but am not into Sheamus, but for the laymen both He and Orton are like 6'5" or 6'6" ! Dunno if Randy is a shooter, but he's believable as a tough dude. Michael Cole announces Hell In A Cell and period head smiles.
Hart Dynasty shows up on commentary and T.J. Wilson & Harry Smith should go to promo school. Cole was back to heel again and buried their charisma ( rightfully so, I guess Vince picked up on it and screamed through his headphones ) as The two shooters ( for real ) Kozlov & Santino took on " Dashing " Cody Rhodes & Drew Suckintyre who are new champs. Interesting, as I think they trust Cody to teach Drew how to fucking work. He looks like a million dollars, but BLOWS. Anyway, Santino ( funny mo-fo ) was in OVW and old buddy Jim Cornette slapped him ( a shoot ) as he didn't sell fear when Boogeyman approached and was being pushed as a nutcase ( although that's art imitating life ) and Marrella ( named after one of Vince's favorite people Gorrilla Monsoon ( real last name Marrella ) didn't kill the over zealous Louisville Lip, because he wanted a job. Another side note is that when myspace was all the rave, I requested Cody Runnels and told him I drank with his brother and Steve Austin, and read his old man's book on a flight. He was as nice as could be, and we talked about acting, wrestling and all kinds of shit. He signed with New York, and deleted me. Dickhead! I still am a fan and think he's underrated, and the champs went over. He's got his hands full mentoring Suckintyre though.
" Legendary ' will be at Walmart on DVD this week after only two dismal weeks in the theater. Cena outsells The Rock, Austin, and Hogan COMBINED in merchandise which is a big part of company profits, as children and women love him, but fuck the movies John. If you notice, he has a new shirt about every three months and they sell like crazy. That's WHY they can't turn him heel, even though he's booed by a good percentage of the fanbase.
I'm a full fledged John Morrison mark now. That wierd ass training is pretty rad.
Edge/ Zach Ryder have yet another segment? Ryder was with Hawkins as The Edge clones or whatever and had the straps a while back. I don't know where this is going, but with Edge always angry at the computer GM, I really hope it's not fucking Ryder, or TNA will be back to my favorite. Anyway, the continuously laughing new U.S. champ comes in Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson/American Dragon interrupts, and Edge challenges him. Ryder does a wrong handed L ( to infer Bryan is a loser ) sign on his head, but there's gotta be more to this than a new Santino if he's paired with Edge? Bryan has to stop giggling.
Jericho's music comes on after he lost clean last night, and has Fozzy shit all October? Cole says after the break that he re-nigged on his vow to leave if he lost after the first break between He and Morrison. Not as good as Morrison vs Sheamus. At one point Y2J clearly called a small package spot, which reminded me of his book " A Lion's Tale " where he relayed a story of telling Scott ( Razor Ramon ) Hall to do the same move, and the fifteen year vet at the time had no clue what the move was!?!? Hey Yo. Anyway, Chris still being a pro, put John over clean to that spinning, crazy, finish, ( starship some shit? ) and gave Morrison his second rub in three weeks.
Cena did a promo which was nothing special, but funny that he beat " The Murph," in Fantasy Football who I think is one of his legit real life friends if memory serves correct?
Miz is out next. He must watch tapes of great talking heels. If you saw him on " Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, " you'd realize he's anything but a real life heel, plus he was nice to my daughter and her friend Bree so i liked him pre push. He did the old school, I was injured going in, and never tapped out deal, and Cole sucked his dick at the announce table.
Edge came out first, and to correct myself he doesn't look like a long haired Dick Murdoch with the wellness policy friendly physique, but rather a cover band singer. He's still somewhat over though, but not enough for the pyro's. I bet Lita wouldn't bang him now. Then Daniel Bryan comes out to Star Wars or some shit? Something did not click here. Maybe Edge didn't want to give him nothing, or a clash of styles, but a guy ( Bryan ) that every indy fan gives 5 stars, had a rather less then average TV match! Alex Riley ( future top guy ) came out, plus Miz with a stiff backward neck snap off the rope, led to an Edge spear for the pin in I assume a non title? Cole got the email, and reversed the decision, and Edge went off. That's what makes me insanely think these Ryder skits might lead to an awful decision of Zack being GM? Woo Woo Woo, will be Wah Wah Wah...Miz and Riley then totally heeled the innocent, sympathetic, ( reminded me of a Ricky Morton beatdown for heat, but Morton knew how to get it over ) Bryan, and damn if Miz didn't potatoe the fuck out of Bryan with the slaps! Probably hidden aggression from when Benoit made Miz dress outside the locker room, or maybe it was Bryan's idea, as he is a tough kid. I hope this gets over. I was actually waiting for Lo-Ki/Kaval to make the save, but this was probably better booking. Miz has to be a football fan, as he slipped in a Ray Lewis burn at the booth.
Michelle ( I'm Undertaker's third wife ) Mccool let her partner Layla work with Melina and defend the belt as she did commentary. Probably a payback, as Layla got fucked out of the vidoegame roster. Anyway, I'm not attracted to Melina anymore. Layla pinned her by the way, but to more important things. Melina was " Smokin Hot " in Louisville, and she's getting a little hard looking and chunky for her age. After all the shit Mickie James caught for weight and releasing Serena, I think she should drop about 15lbs. She also, if I'm gonna be " street, " appears like her ring tights might stink if you feel me? Always remember to wash your ass. I really don't have the friends in the big leagues that I did in the eighties and nineties, but still hear some gosssip. I think she dissed Morrison for Battista. I understand banging your way to the top, but I think if I was a broad I'd take John over Leviathon. Any ladies, i'd appreciate your opinion.
Jericho shilled his DVD to Josh Matthews ( who seems like a pretty nice kid who values his job and I respect that ) and he and Orton have a standoff for next weeks main event. *SPOILER ALERT-The crew is going to France, so they taped Randy punting Chris' head, so that's what you'll see next week and Jericho gets carried out and written out of TV for now. Unless he's working everyone and Abyss' "They" are Jericho, Jim Ross, Paul Heyman, and Matt Hardy. No chance, I just wanted to start my own rumor and see if it could fly.
They are working on a Maryse/Dibiase breakup angle. Ted just can't get over. Maybe someday? Anyway, Swagger seems to be one of her party buddy's so maybe he'll steal her, but R-Truth's new rap should be scrapped quicker than Kizarny. Why Killings & Eve too? I like Ron's work, but just go back to that " What's Up," shit. It was dopey, but over to the mindless.
Colts in the house. I think Cena's only male fans are me and NFL players. They all do You Can't See Me shit! He was supposed to work Wade Barrett, but they changed it to weed out The Nexus. I liked them as an angry wolfpack, but most need to go back to FCW, which is funny, because Jennifer Hudson wants to move David Otunga to Chicago when I think his demotion is coming in two weeks! Anyway, Heath ( Don't EVER confuse me with Dirty Dick ) Slater came in and Cena showed yet another feat of ridiculous strength, and worked it into the context of the match. he also threw a textbook dropkick at one point for all his haters. Pinned Slater. Then the totally lost Otunga ( back to I Love New York season 85, after Hudson dumps him with her new slim figure and he gets demoted ) got pinned quick Thank God! Next was Michael ( No I'm not Mustafa Saaed ) Tarver who is a little more convincing then the previous two, but he was exposed also. He was followed by Justin GAYbriel who I think has secured a job. After Nexus runs it's course, he'll end up on Smackdown as a face or something? He's good. They then all attacked...Cena & Barrett agreed to what will surely be the end of Nexus, but the beginning of a singles Barrett for Hell In A Cell. Cena will have to carry the shit out of him, although he has a great upside.
Overall a BAD RAW. That's why I wrote the extra stuff.
TR
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